A Thank You Letter to My Children

By Alex Cohen

In September I dropped off my youngest at boarding school.  I had been looking forward to the day that I could have a quiet house, but what happened was quite the opposite.  My husband and I walked into the house, walked the hallway to our room and realized that we had no one to say goodnight to – we were sad, everything was still, the house was silent…

I have been a mother since I was 21 years old and today, at 51, I have five of the most amazing children, each one so special and very different.  They have taught me so many lessons along the way – some amazing, some hard but most were necessary for my own personal growth.  Being 21 did not prepare me to be selfless and mature – that all came along the way and very quickly.  This letter is a thank you to my children for what they GIVE me every day.

Joshua,

You were my first and only son.  I wasn’t ready to be a mother at that time, but as you grew inside of me so did our bond – you were “meant to be.”  You made your appearance very early and you were so small, I could hold you in one hand.  I stayed by your side every day, I talked to you, I held your hand until I could finally hold you – your little wrinkled face had not filled out, but even then you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  The day you were born I vowed that I would do everything it took to give you the best life possible.  I had to work hard as a single mother and sole breadwinner.  This meant not seeing you a lot during the week – but your grandparents chipped in and helped raise you.  I am eternally grateful to them for loving you with all their hearts…you were as much their little boy as you were mine.

One of my favorite memories of you was when you started school.  We made such a fuss about it – your new clothes, your new shoes and your new schoolbag.  You could barely sleep the night before…  We dropped you off, took pictures and you were so happy.  The next day when I went to wake you up you said, “Why do I have to get up?” I said, “You have to go to school” and you looked at me and asked “AGAIN??”

Today, you are a man turning 30 and still I remember how frail and small you were and am astounded at what an amazing young man you turned out to be – even with all the obstacles you had to overcome.  You are so kind, so smart and so charming.  Everyone who meets you tells me what a great kid you are.  I never get tired of hearing that…  Thank you for your patience and loving spirit.  You once said you only wanted me to be proud of you.  Well I am more than proud of you.  I am in awe of the man you have become.  Know that my love for you is great, and it’s never-ending.

Sophia,

You were my first baby girl and boy did you make your presence known from day one.  I was so happy to know you were a girl.  You were the biggest of all your siblings and you let out a huge cry as soon as you met the world.  Sophie had arrived!  You loved it when I sang, “You Are My Sunshine” to you at night – and I can’t sing – but you didn’t seem to mind.  Everyone wanted to hold you.  I don’t think you walked until you were around 14 months because your feet never touched the ground.  You had the most piercing blue eyes and no hair for quite a while and when it finally came in, it grew in all directions except down.  I took you everywhere I went and you were so curious and friendly to everyone.  You were super social even then.  I watched you grow up and, even though you were a little sensitive, you were always very daring and confident.

My favorite memory of you was the day I dropped you off in the hallway at school on your first day of kindergarten; I kissed and hugged you and you wiped off the kiss – I was devastated, and you looked right at me and said, “Mommy I wipe the kisses but I keep the hugs.”  I waited for you to turn away before I started to cry.  You were on your way… From then on you have been a powerhouse.  Even after two terrible riding accidents, you always got back on!  I miss all of your soccer and basketball games, your horse shows and track meets.  I want to thank you for always being my buddy– no matter how many times we have butted heads.  Thank you for seeing me as a human being and not just your mother.  You have supported me in all I do and still today it means everything to me.  I am so proud of the young woman you have become; you defy the odds and constantly test yourself.  You are so much more courageous than I could ever be and that inspires me.  Always be yourself and remember the only person you have to impress is yourself…no one else.  I love you just the way you are!  My love for you is just like Willy Wonka’s Gum, it’s Everlasting.

Olivia,

You were quite a pleasant surprise, I begged Daddy for one more baby so Sophie would have a playmate.  Who knew you were going to bring a friend with you?  While I was pregnant you were always the quiet one, you moved very little and were ready and in position to be born very early on.  You made your appearance on Valentine’s Day.  You calmly came first.  Even though you were quite small and had to spend a few more days in the NICU, you ate well, you slept well.  You were so sweet and only cried when you were hungry.  I remember that Daddy went to visit you and he could not find you in the NICU because they had moved you – he panicked for a few minutes but we found you – whew!  I pumped for six weeks to make sure your beginning on this earth was the best one you could have, and you grew and grew.  Everyone loved you, especially your big brother and sister.  They played with you like you were a doll – they fed you, they rocked you, everything but changed you…  Your name means “a symbol of peace” and you have definitely lived up to that as you are always trying to be the voice of reason. You have a way about you that people find endearing and you can pretty much speak to anyone and find something in common.  I think you are most like me in the way you get organized; we make our lists and remain prepared for everything.  I have watched you grow up as a “twin” but have seen you blossom into such an amazing individual; you are so beautiful, so talented and so well-spoken.

Your creativity inspires me.  I remember when you guys all decided to put on a news show – I can still see you holding the weather report upside down while trying to read it.  You made movies, you took pictures to create stories, you created amazing artwork and grew as an actress and a screenwriter – all before you turned 10!  You never failed to entertain us.  Thank you for challenging my ability as a mother; you threw me for a loop when there were two of you.  I tried my best, not always successfully but I never stopped trying.  Thank you for teaching me that I am not always right and I didn’t always have to be.  Thank you for calling me first when you are in trouble – it means so much to me.  Thank you for your patience and understanding.  I love our relationship.  We communicate well and enjoy each other’s company, I always look forward to spending time with you.  I love you so much; I can’t imagine my life without you in it.

Isabella,

Well, young lady, when you were in my belly you could not keep still, always in motion.  Your birth was by far the most exciting and scary, all I remember was the doctor saying you turned around and then all I saw was your feet first….panic set in very quickly until you let out a wail, and I knew you were fine.  You were so funny as a baby.  Sophie would drag you around and make you do things and you would do it to please her.  You did that until you were tired of it and then you would lose it!  You would get frustrated and throw things.  You knew what you wanted and what you did not and – while you could not always verbalize – you were sure to let us all know it. You were the first one to get stitches, and what a trooper you were, so strong and brave.  You were a partner in crime with your sisters but sometimes you led the way or went off to do your own thing.

You have always been a strong kid and you still are today – a team player but also have the confidence to stick up for yourself and what you believe.  When you were little you hated when people confused you for your sister so we started using a blue bow on your hair for “Bella Blue.”  Even then you wanted to be seen as an individual.  I am so proud of you for continuing to follow your strict vegan diet and creating that amazing website with your sister. I applaud your conviction and your dedication to your beliefs.  Your talent has no bounds; you are a brilliant actress and screenwriter and have been since you were very young.  Your film direction and acting has led to some of the most amazing videos to watch while you were growing up.  I could not believe someone so young could have such talent.  Your artwork proudly sits in Daddy’s office for all to see and outshines all the other work there.  It’s not only creative it also sends great messages.  I love spending time with you in LA and hearing about your adventures – you try to make everyday a great one and I admire that about you.  You are so confident in your short films and now in your YouTube videos.  I could never do that – Bravo!  Everyone who meets you tells me what a great kid you are and I am so proud of you.  I am your biggest fan.

I love you for who you are and who you have grown to be.  You have my unconditional love for as long as I am still breathing – continue to be the best “You” you can be.

Leila,

We come full circle, Leila.  You are my last baby and I tried very hard to have you.  It was not easy but so worth it.  Your birth was the most eventful…I was induced three days early because my doctor was going away the Fourth of July holiday and that is when you were due…  No way was I going to have you with just anyone!  You were born so quickly… Daddy was still in the elevator when you arrived!  He was so disappointed to have missed your first breath.  You were now the baby and you loved every minute of the attention; you loved being held and sang to or read to, you were a little smooch.  You had the craziest baby nurse named Vikki who would wipe everyone down with alcohol wipes before they could even look at you.  We were all very protective of you – you were everyone’s baby.  I spent less time with you than the others at first because they had school, after school and sports.  I did not bring you because it was so hard getting around with all of you.  This is why I imagine you are so independent, but once you were mobile you tagged along as much as you wanted.  You were a bit of a lazy baby, slept all morning.  We actually had to go and wake you up to start your day.  You loved home and you loved to cuddle.  When you were very little, you had a very strange seizure and we rushed you to the hospital.  I was terrified that something horrible was wrong with you.  It turned out you were hypoglycemic and needed to eat more often than others.

You showed interest in makeup at an early age and your sisters would apply it on you.  I think after that you were hooked.  It’s amazing how you perfected your craft by just using the internet as a teacher…you are a determined young lady.  You have also been steadfast in your veganism and your love for animals.  You are a super-talented dancer and have no problem taking a class or even being one of the youngest kids at camp – so proud of you.  Even when you were determined to go to one of the hardest boarding schools, you got a tutor and worked for months to make sure you were ready for the exams, and a coach to help you get better at field hockey.  I was so impressed with your level of maturity.  I want to thank you for planting the seed in my heart to have one more kid; you truly are a special addition – the cherry on the sundae that is this crazy family.  Thank you for putting up with a tired, old and busy mommy.  Thank you for always making it a point to ask me how my day was.  Thank you for always having a smile on your face even when I knew you didn’t feel like it; you are a joy to be around and I miss that light when you are away at school.  I can’t wait to see where this adventure takes you…stay strong and know that my heart is always with your heart.  My love is with you always and will never leave you.

I want to thank you, my children, for picking me as your mom up in heaven whether you did it on purpose or by accident.  I am a lucky woman to have you all in my life forever.  Thank you for forming a bond with each other that I never experienced with my own siblings, and I hope you carry that bond the rest of your lives because family is everything.  Thank you for loving me and giving me joy and a fulfilling life, despite the fact that I have never been a conventional mother.  One thing is very clear: I love you all so very much and I don’t think you can comprehend or appreciate the magnitude of that until you hold your own baby in your arms – there is nothing like it and there is NOTHING LIKE YOU!

Mommy